It's hard to write tonite. The nursing staff has been using the words "ICU psychosis" this week and Ryan and I have been researching tonite, and we think Mom is probably experiencing this. The lack of sleep from having neuro checks every couple of hours, the constant noises (auto blood pressure cuff, air bed, beeps), constant lighting, away from familiar surroundings and family, so many strangers.....she is moving back and forth between reality and what is not reality. She was very fixated all day on going home. Asked Rex and I to take her home, she was packing things into her card box, trying to get out of bed. She is constantly picking at her finger monitor and now starting to pick at her staples. She was talking a lot and louder than she has been.

When Tandy stopped by, she knew who she was, she asked about Parker, said he was almost 5 years old, told Tandy to tell him Nanny said hi. I was so impressed. But from 6:45 to when I left at 9, she was a mess.

I'm also concerned about where she is going when it is time to leave the ICU, which will be as soon as she is off the IV blood pressure med I was contacted by Social Services today and evaluations of her readiness for rehab are beginning.

She is having the IVC screen put in tomorrow at noon.

Rex had a PET scan today. We'll hear the results of this test on Friday, the results determining the next step in his treatment. He has a follow up appointment with his surgeon tomorrow, and has chosen to go alone. Today, after his test, he and Tommy Hobdy went out for brunch/lunch and then he went to the library. I know it is very hard for him to see Mom as we did tonite.

I'm looking for someone to cut mom's hair. Any ideas?????

I cried when I read Ryan's post about what he wants to learn from how Mom has faced this experience. The Bible says God will take bad and make good from it; I heard something like that in a Veggie Tales movie anyway. Really, I HAVE to find purpose in this suffering. James 1:3 The testing of my faith develops perseverance. I'm gonna have some major perseverance before too much longer!!!! I also KNOW God is encamped around our family (our 2 families that are 1), but I wish I could SEE Him, a wall of fire encircling us all...protection. I'm seeing it in my mind.

Sleep, Mom, and may tomorrow be a better day.