A Letter to my Mom

Hi, Mom. I have lots of news to share, like always.

You know how the Bible says in all things God works for the good of those who love Him? And what the world intends for harm (death), God intends for good? Surely God is allowing you to see the good that is happening in your family in the aftermath of your graduation to heaven.

Just hours after your death, the 5 of us (3+Anita & Stacy) circled up in a hug in my house facing our shock and grief together for the first time. Did you see what happened next, Mom? That longstanding fractured relationship was healed! I sat and watched in awe.

A recent issue in the family was being withheld from you because we didn’t feel you could handle it. God had a plan in place that we can look back on now and see how it unfolded. Remember Merlinda was here a couple of weeks before your surgery? God used her mightily then to set the plan in motion. Then when she and her family flew in the day after your death, we all had a conversation in my house that laid the foundation for her entire family to be involved in positively altering the course of your granddaughter’s life. To look back and see how the pieces fit together is just amazing. MANY in our extended family were praying. The timing of all this is NOT a coincidence. I just read a book that Brock and Gwen gave to me at your visitation titled When God Winks at You, subtitled How God Speaks Directly to You Through the Power of Coincidence. The author calls them godwinks, you and I always called them God-incidences.

You know I’ve been looking for a new cross necklace for a couple of years. I bought one during your surgery in the hospital gift shop. I really don’t know why this one ended up being “the one”. A couple days later as I leaned over your bed to tell you goodnight, you held onto it and pushed it back and forth on the chain. I asked you if you wanted one and you nodded yes. I wanted to wait to buy it for you until you were out of ICU and could wear it. But that day never came. Anita really wanted me to go ahead and get it for you anyway. So the day of the visitation, I went back to the gift shop to get one, knowing there was only one on display the day I bought it. The ladies behind the counter told me they were volunteers and not involved in stocking the store. But one thought she knew where the box of jewelry was behind the counter, and sure enough, she found it. She sifted through all the bags until she found the one containing the cross necklaces. As she spread them out on the counter, I truly swear I did not see it. Suddenly she says, “Here it is!”. [Godwink] And it is now held in the hand of your earthly body. I feel a spiritual connection with you because of it. I know Anita does too, as she just nodded with tears in her eyes when she asked if I was able to find one for you. It has not left my neck since the day of your surgery.

When Tisha was in highschool, she bought you that snow globe with sunflowers and it plays You Are My Sunshine, the song you sang to both my girls for many years. She asked me if she could have it now as a remembrance. And I gave it to her. It not only connects her to you, but to Annette as well, as that is the song that was being sung when she died. As we left for the airport Monday, she placed it into the center of her carryon backpack, protecting it by surrounding it with her clothes. We never thought of the liquid inside that would keep it from passing through Security. We were running late for our flight. She had to hurriedly run back to the airline counter and check it as baggage (and pay $15 to do so). There were other issues with this flight, and we were stressed by the time we got seated. We both were concerned that globe would break because of the way baggage handlers toss bags around. Tisha kept saying, “It’ll be OK.” I prayed God would protect it and I just felt she was right, it was going to be OK. After we landed, she pulled that bag off the carousel and immediately checked the globe. It made the trip just fine!

You tried all summer to get our family together at your apartment for a dinner. I kept discouraging you because you really didn’t have the room, because of the fractured relationship, because I knew it was too much work for you. I’m so sorry now; if I only knew then what I know now, I would have stopped the road blocks and got on board. Now it appears we are going to get together as a family for Christmas with Rex. And Brittany said at your funeral service that she wants carols and candles. So we will have carols and candles. It will be a difficult day without you. You ARE the center of our family. We will cry as we carry on your tradition. I am taking more seriously my place to pass down the faith to the next generation and attempt to, in a small way, stand in the huge gap you have left here.

I feel I am at a crossroad again in my life. It’s life-altering to no longer have a parent here on earth. I feel very different. You are now a part of the great cloud of witnesses that surrounds me as I run with perseverance the race marked out for me. I was writing on your blog just the other day about the testing of my faith developing perseverance. No coincidence that I ran across that word 2 places in scripture in 2 weeks, but a godwink.

Love you,
Your favorite daughter!