Transition UPDATE

Update:
Rex got a cell phone, number shown below. It has a speaker and he can hear well. And he's rented a 1-bedroom apartment, moving January 10.

First things first. Rex's new address & phone are:

1014 Parkside Village Drive
Clayton, NC 27520
919-604-9726

It's been an interesting 2 days. Over half the homes in Allen County were without electrical power after Friday's ice storm. My house, Tandy's apartment and Rex's apartment (along with Jeff's which was empty and available) all were without power. I/Tandy/Parker/Rex spent Friday nite at Comfort Suites. We're thankful we got a room. Saturday morning, Randy and Ryan and Stacy arrived to pack the truck and get the car on the trailer. It was slick and cold (no heat in the apartment), but we were done by noon.

Rex had mentioned that the one thing he wanted to do yet was get to the cemetery. So we took a short road trip yesterday. It was a bleak site with the ice and snow. One I don't want stuck in my memory.

Greg was supposed to arrive around 11 last nite, but he missed his connection in Atlanta. He spent the nite there and flew in at 11:15 this morning in high winds. It's below 0 and blowing BAD today. We're all concerned about keeping our newly restored electrical power. I just talked to Greg. They are about 1/2 way home and not planning to stop (6:30pm). They have another 6 hours, at least. It was 71 degrees when Greg left home yesterday!!!!

I overhead Rex say last weekend....this is no longer my home, it is just a place to live. And I think he decided after 2 days of MAJOR winter, that leaving Indiana isn't such a bad idea.
Greg shared with Rex and I that his 8 year old daughter, Jillian, agreed to let dad go on the road once again after just getting home from a week away on business, because he was bringing Grandpa "home". I really think the last 3 weeks convinced Rex he was making the right decision. And my brothers and I got to know a man that is a lot stronger than we knew before. We are extremely proud of him.

And I am very proud of the 3 of us. Mom left us with a job to complete and we finished well. Greg and I felt the weight of the transition shift as we hugged goodbye today. No more words.

Some final information from us

We will never find out for sure what happened. The pathologist 'speculated' that she had an infection called sepsis, which used to be called blood poisoning, and was possibly caused by her colon problems. Mom's Dr. had another guess, but I don't feel it was a very likely cause.

It was her time, not our time. We weren't ready. She was. It certainly helps us to know she was ready. I don't understand how someone could get through the death of their mother without knowing she's going to heaven and will see her someday. I wouldn't want to feel that way.

I'm very tired now after a long day at Ronna's with Randy's family and Rex. It may have been our final Christmas together with Rex as he is soon moving south. We honored our mother by forgetting all of our problems, and coming together as a family. We sang Christmas songs, more than we've ever sang together before. Tisha was with us by webcam, so the whole 'Ritenour' family was together thanks to technology. Tisha had the white Christmas for the day, which is unusual there in Oregon. It was 50 degrees for us.

We combined some traditions by having apple dumplings and watching the TV show, Lost In Space. We had a great amount of fun playing dirty bingo, although it wasn't very 'dirty.'

This was a really fun Christmas together. We talked about Mom but did not dwell on her. It would have been a sad event if we had focused on her. That was not what we wanted. There is nothing good that could have come from that.

Mom, have a merry Christmas in heaven. I miss you so much.

Ryan


And some final thoughts from me. We are beginning to look ahead and not back. It was a great day...one a month ago I never would have dreamed could happen. We each stepped forward to plan something special for the day.

I have felt traumatized this past week, but today I turned a corner. Together we will move forward. I feel closer to my brothers and my sisters (still the outlaws) than I EVER have before. And I give God all the praise and glory for that.

I think it's time to close this blog. It has served the purpose it was set up for and been a therapeutic way for Ryan and I to deal with the past 3 weeks.

GOD MADE A WAY.

Ronna

The days ahead

On Sunday, we 3 "kids" and our families and Rex are gathering at my house for an early Christmas. This will be Rex's goodbye to Randy & Ryan. Anita is carrying on mom's tradition of Dirty Bingo for the grandkids. And we will sing carols by candlelight. Ryan is working on a webcam so Tisha can join us for that from Oregon. We are all very much looking forward to the day.

Plans are for Greg to fly to Ft. Wayne on the 19th or 20th, pack up a small U-Haul, put Rex's car on a trailer and they make the trek to NC on the 20th/21st. We sort & pack something everyday. Both Rex and I are amazed at how much stuff there is, even though they moved just 18 months ago after a major downsizing. I'm VERY proud of Rex. He is facing the challenge of each day. Rex is on a waiting list at a senior apartment community in NC. In the meantime, he will live with Greg & Stacy. Right now, he appears to be healthy. I pray everyday for continued good health for him, for God's healing.

Another opinion

An independent pathologist that has performed over 800 autopsies has volunteered to look at the autopsy and see if he can shed any light on the situation.

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I don't have the autopsy in hand yet, but it was inconclusive. We will never know for sure what happened. It makes it harder for me to deal with this all, but I'll get over it. I am sure that her labored breathing, when I left her the night before, was something to do with it. I was beating myself up about it, that I didn't do more to make the nurses get the Dr., or something. I have gotten past that.

We know this:

The floor Doctor was notified about her condition sometime Wed. evening.

When she was checked on in her room at 4:45 a.m., she was already gone. They started CPR but she never regained a pulse.

She was not as mentally stable as we had expected those days after surgery. The Doctors expressed that she was doing good, but they didn't know her like we did.

Memorials still continue to come in. It will be interesting to see the total.

Her surgery was not directly the cause of her death, but it was hard on her body, and the time in the hospital lying down all the time did not help her.

Autopsy

Still awaiting a Dr. call but we were told that Mom's autopsy was inconclusive.

Update on the autopsy

I called Lutheran pathology today to give me an estimate on when we can expect the autopsy report. They informed me that it was already done and was sent to the surgeon. Ronna has contacted Mom's internist to get the results to her. Again, I'll post the cause of death once we know.

Time, Reality, Discomfort and Prayer

Just looked back to what we were doing 3 weeks ago. That's the day we posted the pic of Mom & Ryan signing I Love You. It seems like SUCH a long time ago. In fact, none of that even seems real anymore. Rex made the comment last nite....it just does not feel like it really happened.

Randy/Anita/I majorly packed at the apartment today. As we left, I felt overwhelmed about what we had just done. Sorting through years of memories, sending out bags of trash & boxes to Goodwill, doling out mementos to family. Took years to accumulate and a couple of hours to disburse.

We spent some quality time with Uncle Leon/Aunt Phyl today. They have ALWAYS been there for our family...ALWAYS.

I am wearing mom's wedding band, the one my dad gave her. It fits me perfectly.

Rex is living amongst boxes and vanishing furniture. Can't be comfortable.

Join me in praying for a complete healing for Rex. That's the only thing that makes sense to me.
But I'm a human, and He is God.

And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well. James 5:15
The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16b

If you are reading, please comment. We need encouragement.

Moments burnt into my memory

Many hands closing the casket.

The Chapel parish nurse saying “press into Jesus”.

Merlinda’s final run of the keyboard at Mom’s service.

Three generations of family circled up, holding hands, and being challenged about their own faith and to pray for those not yet walking with our Lord.

Uncle Leon and Aunt Phyl immediately at Rex and my sides early Thursday morning.

Aunt Dorothy and her spirit-filled caretaker walking into Mom’s hospital room to visit.

Seeing tears in the eyes of the rehab hospital liaison that I had just interviewed with 3 days before.

Randy’s offer to carry Mom’s casket to her grave.

The faith conversation Tisha and I had on Saturday night.

Stacy and Dylan remaining at Mom’s bedside on Wednesday night while Ryan talked to me on the phone.

Randy telling me that Sara had come with them to the visitation.

Hobbs and Ritenour unity in decisions, plans, purpose and spirit.

Mom spreading out her hands in front of Roberta showing off her nail polish the day after surgery.

Seeing John & Mary Whitcraft the day of Mom’s surgery, there for another person’s surgery.

Ryan’s blog title Thursday morning of “God Has Made A Way!”, with him not even realizing Mom had named her own blog “God Will Make A Way” several weeks earlier.

Rex is back in Indiana

If you are a Hoosier, come visit Rex in the next few weeks or invite him over. He got back tonite. He'll be moving to NC later this month. He's already given a lot of thought to what he needs to take with him and what will be given to others.

He wanted me to have Mom's bible that I gave her 11 years ago. I'll treasure that. Ryan, you questioned the funeral bulletin that said Mom read Psalm 91 to Anthony when he had cancer. I don't know that she read it TO him, but she prayed it FOR him and it's written in this Bible. We always called it Psalm 9-1-1 because it's a good one to go to when you need help.

Hard to follow up with anything after Ronna's letter. I just want to say I miss Mom a lot. I'm still feeling selfish and want her back. There's so many things I would have done different. Still I have flashes in my mind to call her or email her.

A Letter to my Mom

Hi, Mom. I have lots of news to share, like always.

You know how the Bible says in all things God works for the good of those who love Him? And what the world intends for harm (death), God intends for good? Surely God is allowing you to see the good that is happening in your family in the aftermath of your graduation to heaven.

Just hours after your death, the 5 of us (3+Anita & Stacy) circled up in a hug in my house facing our shock and grief together for the first time. Did you see what happened next, Mom? That longstanding fractured relationship was healed! I sat and watched in awe.

A recent issue in the family was being withheld from you because we didn’t feel you could handle it. God had a plan in place that we can look back on now and see how it unfolded. Remember Merlinda was here a couple of weeks before your surgery? God used her mightily then to set the plan in motion. Then when she and her family flew in the day after your death, we all had a conversation in my house that laid the foundation for her entire family to be involved in positively altering the course of your granddaughter’s life. To look back and see how the pieces fit together is just amazing. MANY in our extended family were praying. The timing of all this is NOT a coincidence. I just read a book that Brock and Gwen gave to me at your visitation titled When God Winks at You, subtitled How God Speaks Directly to You Through the Power of Coincidence. The author calls them godwinks, you and I always called them God-incidences.

You know I’ve been looking for a new cross necklace for a couple of years. I bought one during your surgery in the hospital gift shop. I really don’t know why this one ended up being “the one”. A couple days later as I leaned over your bed to tell you goodnight, you held onto it and pushed it back and forth on the chain. I asked you if you wanted one and you nodded yes. I wanted to wait to buy it for you until you were out of ICU and could wear it. But that day never came. Anita really wanted me to go ahead and get it for you anyway. So the day of the visitation, I went back to the gift shop to get one, knowing there was only one on display the day I bought it. The ladies behind the counter told me they were volunteers and not involved in stocking the store. But one thought she knew where the box of jewelry was behind the counter, and sure enough, she found it. She sifted through all the bags until she found the one containing the cross necklaces. As she spread them out on the counter, I truly swear I did not see it. Suddenly she says, “Here it is!”. [Godwink] And it is now held in the hand of your earthly body. I feel a spiritual connection with you because of it. I know Anita does too, as she just nodded with tears in her eyes when she asked if I was able to find one for you. It has not left my neck since the day of your surgery.

When Tisha was in highschool, she bought you that snow globe with sunflowers and it plays You Are My Sunshine, the song you sang to both my girls for many years. She asked me if she could have it now as a remembrance. And I gave it to her. It not only connects her to you, but to Annette as well, as that is the song that was being sung when she died. As we left for the airport Monday, she placed it into the center of her carryon backpack, protecting it by surrounding it with her clothes. We never thought of the liquid inside that would keep it from passing through Security. We were running late for our flight. She had to hurriedly run back to the airline counter and check it as baggage (and pay $15 to do so). There were other issues with this flight, and we were stressed by the time we got seated. We both were concerned that globe would break because of the way baggage handlers toss bags around. Tisha kept saying, “It’ll be OK.” I prayed God would protect it and I just felt she was right, it was going to be OK. After we landed, she pulled that bag off the carousel and immediately checked the globe. It made the trip just fine!

You tried all summer to get our family together at your apartment for a dinner. I kept discouraging you because you really didn’t have the room, because of the fractured relationship, because I knew it was too much work for you. I’m so sorry now; if I only knew then what I know now, I would have stopped the road blocks and got on board. Now it appears we are going to get together as a family for Christmas with Rex. And Brittany said at your funeral service that she wants carols and candles. So we will have carols and candles. It will be a difficult day without you. You ARE the center of our family. We will cry as we carry on your tradition. I am taking more seriously my place to pass down the faith to the next generation and attempt to, in a small way, stand in the huge gap you have left here.

I feel I am at a crossroad again in my life. It’s life-altering to no longer have a parent here on earth. I feel very different. You are now a part of the great cloud of witnesses that surrounds me as I run with perseverance the race marked out for me. I was writing on your blog just the other day about the testing of my faith developing perseverance. No coincidence that I ran across that word 2 places in scripture in 2 weeks, but a godwink.

Love you,
Your favorite daughter!

We're still here.

We haven't left this blog yet. We all continue to heal and think of Mom all the time. We keep thinking of calling or emailing her because it's hard to believe she's gone.

I want to post the summary of the autopsy when we get it, but it could take 2 weeks to 1 month before we get it. But any information I get I will post if I feel it's relevant. We know it wasn't cardiac/vascular/embolism/bowel obstruction.

Ryan

Hi, it's Ronna posting from Oregon! Getting some much needed peaceful rest and loving on my little boys. I just talked to Rex on the opposite coast in North Carolina. We have not posted much about Rex and I want to bring you up to speed a bit.

Greg & Stacy have made the offer for Rex to move to NC. Rex is considering and praying about it. I called today to assure him that he has the blessing of myself, and Randy and Ryan, and in fact we all feel it is the best for him to be near his family for a change (much closer to Merlinda too). He's still in the decision process, but we all feel he will eventually agree. Stacey is researching oncologists and they will be contacting Rex's Ft Wayne oncologist next week so that everything is in place once he decides.

Rex has an aggressive lymphoma that needs treatment asap. 12 weeks of chemo and radiation.
Please continue to pray for Rex as he deals with all of this.

Just some things

Rex and Greg are on their way south, and Ronna and Tisha are in-flight to Oregon as I write.


Taking Mom's body to the grave. Randy and I are in the back, holding the end where Mom's head is at.







<<<--- audio of funeral on the left Other funeral Pictures Ardy's first husband's grave (with flowers from Mom's casket arrangement)
Ardy's parents' grave
Ardy's first in-laws' grave
Rex and kids - Ryan, Randy, Ronna, Rex, Greg
Grandchildren - Dylan, Cameron, Brittany, Kendra, Anthony, Sara, Alaina, Joel, Tandy, Tisha
Rex, daughter-in-law, and her kids - Joel, Karol, Kendra, Alaina, Merlinda, Rex
3 generations Hobbs - Joel, Rex, Greg
Ronna and her babies - Tandy, Ronna, Tisha
Another pic of grandkids here with a niece and nephew of Ardythe's- Dylan, Cameron, Brittany, Kendra, Anthony, Sara, Alaina, Joel, Robbie, Tandy, Crystal, Tisha
Other family - Rex, Bob & Gail Rogers, Phylis & Leon Ritenour
Cousins - Ryan, Merlinda, Allen, Randy, Kathy, Mike

Celebration Day

I think I can speak for Rex, Greg, Randy/Anita, Ryan/Stacy....we are exhausted. Today was an AWESOME day! Mom's celebration service was joyful and full of rememberances. I have tons to share, but I am too tired tonite. Please keep checking back, I think we have much to say yet before we are done with this blog. We took a lot of pictures today too that I will eventually get on here.

Rex and Greg are leaving for North Carolina in the morning for a holiday visit with Greg's family. Please pray for Rex as he begins this transition in life and pray for his body to be protected for this time while his cancer treatment is being delayed.

I am flying to Oregon with Tisha tomorrow nite for the week as well. What a whirlwind of changes this week regarding that trip.

Ronna

Visitation over

It was a nice turnout of people, many we haven't seen in years. Mom's brother and his whole family showed up as well. He is the last surviving sibling of their large family. We noticed there were many gifts made to mom's charity and that would make her happy. We had a family only time at the beginning and saw mom's body. My younger 3 children had pictures and a poem to go into her casket before we closed it. Mom had seen Ronna's necklace while in ICU and wanted one. Ronna purchased one like it and put it in Mom's hands.

Obviously everyone was upset when we closed the casket and 2 of my children became very upset. This was their first close family death and it was naturally a big emotional time for them.

Today we will put her body in the ground. She will be buried in the same cemetery as her parents, my father, his parents, and her baby brother.

online condolences

Online condolences can be sent at:
send condolences

I don't know what it is in me, but when people die, I want to know why. Since this is my Mom I get to find out. There was an autopsy. We have some preliminary data that it was not a stroke, heart attack, aneurysm or anything easy to determine. In a few days I will have the full report and can hopefully determine what happened.

Arrangement Information

Visitation is Saturday, 11/22, from 3 p.m. - 8 p.m. at Delaughter Mckee Funeral Home.

1401 State Road 114 W
North Manchester, IN 46962
Phone Number: (260) 982-6700

The funeral will be Sunday, 11/23, at 2 p.m. at Liberty Mills Church of the Brethren.
There will be one hour of visitation prior to the service.

71 N 3rd St,
Liberty Mills, IN 46946
Burial will follow at South Whitley Cemetary.
A dinner will be served following that at the church.

We have chosen a memorial fund in lieu of lots of flowers. Mom was close with many at the Liberty Mills Church that are involved in a ministry in Guatamala. Currently they are raising money for a well. Checks can be written to the Liberty Mills Church of the Brethren for the Guatamala Well Fund. Maybe it'll be named the Ardie Well.

McKee/Delaughter Funeral Home

McKee/Delaughter funeral home in Manchester is making the arrangements. The service will be at Liberty Mills Church of the Brethren. We have an appointment at 6:30 tonite to make arrangements and then will let you all know.

GOD HAS MADE A WAY!

Glory be to God.

Mom went to be with the Lord this morning.

Yes it's true. It's difficult to believe. We don't know what happened. However I did not feel right about everything last night. I kept much of it to myself to not worry others. I thought it was just my irrational fears.

Last night was mom's worst night. While she talked to us and knew us, she was not really there. Now I know the Lord was calling her. She was so ready to go. Her only worry was Rex, but we will still be standing with him, as a family. This does not change that.

I want you to know that I feel this was for the best. All along I did not like the way Mom was. Us 3 kids got to see her before surgery. All of us saw her after surgery. There is no regrets.

Last night she was singing with some praise songs on the CD.

More will follow later when arrangements are made.

There is no doubt that she is in a better place. She is free from her sickly body. She's walking upright and in no pain.

Ryan, Randy, Ronna, and Rex

Evening update

It's been a hard day for Mom. Rex spent the morning & part of the evening, I was there from 11-1, and Ryan, Stacy & Dylan from 5-8. She was running a low temp this morning, which broke after lunch. While I was there, PT got her up to stand and pivot to a bedside commode. She spent a rough 1/2 hour there. Very nauseous, dizzy & faint, as would be expected for the first time up a week after a big surgery. It was very hard to watch. She was so sick. Nurse gave her zofran for the nausea, and it took 3 nurses to get her back into bed because she had no strength to help at that point.

She moved to her new room about 4:30. Ryan said she was very quiet tonite, not wanting to talk, and back to fiddling with buttons and equipment. She vomited tonite too and said she was hot, so wondering if something new is going on. Time will tell.

Ryan said the nurse's station is right outside her door and they are very responsive. We're praying for good nurses because it's scary for us to picture her out of ICU, not having constant nursing attention. We're pretty discouraged tonite and hoping for a better day tomorrow.

A reminder if you are visiting...to not discuss Rex's cancer with her. She has not yet remembered, nor would she be able to comprehend or deal with it yet. I will post more about Rex after his oncologist appointment on Friday.

Please continue to pray for Randy's family.

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She's in a regular room now. I'll have to find out the visiting hours. I imagine they are 9-9 without restrictions. Her room is private. 359

Update

Mom is being moved to a regular room. The room number will be posted when we get it. It will still be on the 3rd floor.

My wife and I will be there tonight to give Ronna a much needed break.

Every Tear I've Cried, You Hold In Your Hand

I feel much differently tonite than I did last nite. A lot of information has been obtained today.

Mom's doctor feels confident that her mental status is not due to the surgery but due to the issues of being in the ICU (noises, sleep deprivation, strange surroundings, strangers, staring at the 4 walls, nothing meaningful to do).

Still weaning her off the IV blood pressure meds and as soon as that happens, she will be moved to the regular med/surg/neuro floor of the hospital. She will get more therapy there than in the ICU. This will prepare her for her evaluation by the rehab center. She has to be able to do 3 hours of therapy a day to qualify to go to the rehab center. Average neuro stay at the rehab center is 2-3 weeks. If she doesn't qualify to go there, she'll need to go to a skilled nursing facility. Ryan already has researched and found the best one, which is close by. The therapy there would be less than 3 hours a day, so consequently the stay would probably be longer.

Mom did get IVC filter put in today. She did fine. Rex spent most of the day at the hospital. He had a final check up with his surgeon and has been released by him.

Aunt Dorothy (97 years old) surprised us around noon with a visit!!!!!! Unfortunately, mom was taken for her procedure about 15 minutes after she got there so it was a short visit.

Ryan is coming down tomorrow evening, so I'm taking the nite off and going over to Tandy's to spend some much needed down time with her & Parker. And he & the fam are coming back for the weekend, camping at my house. Another break for me!

I did cancel my Thanksgiving trip to Tisha's today. That was hard to do, but necessary. I was taking Jeff with me, so it was very hard to tell him, but he took it very well. Thank you, Jeff, for understanding. Tisha, I miss you & the boys SO much and know you need to see your dad, and we had such plans for him to reconnect with the boys and Chris and to see where you live. Thank you for your understanding, and dad & I hope to come maybe in the spring. Thank you both for knowing that my responsibility right now lies with my mom.

Finally, God knows the need in Randy/Anita's family. I do not need to define it for you all to pray about it. I plead for you to do so. Thank you.

I've been crying for 2 days. Tears, tears, tears. Driving back to work around 2:30, I heard a very familiar song on the radio that suddenly took on new meaning.

Praise You in This Storm:
I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are
no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

VISITORS WANTED!

If you want to fill a "help wanted" ad, you can fill ours. Mom is in need of seeing familiar things. Visitations would be extremely beneficial if anyone can get to her. Her confusion is likely because of the unfamiliarity of the ICU.

God's work

After dad died, I seen great things that came from his/our suffering. BUT, some took a year before anyone could look backwards and say "AHH, now I understand".
A great example of God working behind the scene is: compelling mom and Rex moving to Ft Wayne across from the hospital. We all knew it was a good idea to be closer, but who could comprehend the true reason. A year later now and we all say "AH-HA!".
I try to contemplate what can come from this and can imagine, but we must be patient. I think God will reveal and a year from now (or more, or less)I'll again say AH-HA!

Randy Ritenour

really short update

Ronna said mom was sleeping well this night.

It's hard to write tonite. The nursing staff has been using the words "ICU psychosis" this week and Ryan and I have been researching tonite, and we think Mom is probably experiencing this. The lack of sleep from having neuro checks every couple of hours, the constant noises (auto blood pressure cuff, air bed, beeps), constant lighting, away from familiar surroundings and family, so many strangers.....she is moving back and forth between reality and what is not reality. She was very fixated all day on going home. Asked Rex and I to take her home, she was packing things into her card box, trying to get out of bed. She is constantly picking at her finger monitor and now starting to pick at her staples. She was talking a lot and louder than she has been.

When Tandy stopped by, she knew who she was, she asked about Parker, said he was almost 5 years old, told Tandy to tell him Nanny said hi. I was so impressed. But from 6:45 to when I left at 9, she was a mess.

I'm also concerned about where she is going when it is time to leave the ICU, which will be as soon as she is off the IV blood pressure med I was contacted by Social Services today and evaluations of her readiness for rehab are beginning.

She is having the IVC screen put in tomorrow at noon.

Rex had a PET scan today. We'll hear the results of this test on Friday, the results determining the next step in his treatment. He has a follow up appointment with his surgeon tomorrow, and has chosen to go alone. Today, after his test, he and Tommy Hobdy went out for brunch/lunch and then he went to the library. I know it is very hard for him to see Mom as we did tonite.

I'm looking for someone to cut mom's hair. Any ideas?????

I cried when I read Ryan's post about what he wants to learn from how Mom has faced this experience. The Bible says God will take bad and make good from it; I heard something like that in a Veggie Tales movie anyway. Really, I HAVE to find purpose in this suffering. James 1:3 The testing of my faith develops perseverance. I'm gonna have some major perseverance before too much longer!!!! I also KNOW God is encamped around our family (our 2 families that are 1), but I wish I could SEE Him, a wall of fire encircling us all...protection. I'm seeing it in my mind.

Sleep, Mom, and may tomorrow be a better day.

Mon. update

Ronna will probably have more later. She said Mom was a little better today. However after a nap, she was really confused when she awoke. I suppose we may see this for a while. Her best times always have been noon to 5.

We have pics with her hat off but she would not want me to post those so if you want to see what she looks like, you'll have to go see her. :)

Something to think about

First, Mom was standing today with the therapist. Talk is already starting about discharge. Please pray that it works out so that she can just move right across the street to the rehab hospital when that time comes.

I was just perusing some previous postings of Mom's and came across something she posted on Jeff Bowman's blog:

Peace I leave with you...Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

Mom lives this daily. I went with her into the hospital last Wednesday. I felt I had to. I was worried that I'd never be able to talk to her again, at least the way she was at that time. I know what its like to have a loved one wake up and be a completely different person.

Mom was not scared, or at least she didn't show it. Her conviction is what I hope for in the future. It's easy to say things, but not easy to live them. She lives them, everyday. Ronna and I talked about how we used to see our mom as a wimp, but now we see she's just the opposite.

I miss you Mom, and I can't wait until you're back with us like you were before, and maybe even better.

Morning news

Mom slept good finally. 1:00 to 7:30 a.m. which is very good for her. They did have to use medication to get her to sleep though.

Her 'hat' is off and she likes to play with her staples. It will be interesting to see how she looks now.

They will be installing an IVC filter so that she's not at risk of a blood clot moving from her legs to her lungs. This is common on those that aren't yet moving much. It's installed through an artery so I don't think she will be put out for this procedure. I would think it's done in the ICU room.

Long day and weekend

The end has come to a long weekend. I came home on Saturday rather than stay in the Fort overnight because I knew the kids would get bored. Dylan went back with us today. I want to try and describe how Mom is. Remember that we don't believe that she will stay like this for long, as her brain swelling is coming down, but if you were to visit her, this is what you might expect to find.

She is normally very talkative, as you all know, and now she'll talk on her own, but not often. Sometimes she makes perfect sense, and other times not so much. When I walked in her room one time today, she said her new nurse was Joel, the brother of Barry. She was right about Joel, but not about Barry. She was referring to my friend Barry from College, and previously had said Barry's wife was there. However I've not seen Barry for years and I don't know if my Mom ever met his wife, so I don't know where that came from.

My friend from high school, another Barry, happened to walk by the room and I went out to see him. Mom knows this Barry too, so the 2nd time, maybe that confused her about her nurse.

She likes to watch outside and can see I-69 from her room. She talks about the vehicles she sees out there. She likes to watch TV and makes comments once in a while about it. However when she eats, she doesn't talk at all. She'll tap with her fork or grunt to get something done. I usually won't let her get away with not saying 'yes' or 'no.' I'll usually ask her over and over until she answers me. She seems to ignore Ronna more than anyone. If she doesn't answer Ronna, I would say, "Are you gonna answer Ronna?" and then she'd answer her. So she's listening to everything, just sometimes she chooses to not answer.

She doesn't put joking and smiling together yet. She'll joke around, but ya wonder if she's being goofy, or kidding around. Often I will look directly at her and make a big smile. If she doesn't smile back I make the sign on my face until she does.

When she talks, which is much more between lunch and supper, she talks very well and doesn't mumble, although she's a little quieter than she was before the surgery.

She knows everyone she knew before, and remembers pretty good as to who was there before, but obviously she gets her days mixed up. She has not yet slept well.

It's hard for me to see her at this stage, because Anthony was pretty much back to normal after 2 days (He was 8) and Stacy took a long time to get even to this stage, and Stacy's experience is what I remember most, as it was more recent.

Mom can write as well as before surgery. She always writes in cursive and still does. When no one is around, I guess she gets bored and writes names. She wrote lots of names last evening for some reason. Many were from Manchester College. It looked like she wrote some instructions for someone there too. She also went through her guest book and notated after everyone's name.

She loves to look through her cards and read them. She also likes to watch gospel and country music on TV and sing along.

As far as when she'll get out of ICU, we don't know for sure. She is only there because of a new blood pressure medication she is taking where her vitals need to be monitored much more than a regular hospital room would be able to. That said, all her vitals are very good. She may soon have her oxygen to her nose taken off, and possibly have her 'hat' removed too. It will be interesting to see her hair and how far back they had to shave it.

Also, the bed transforms into a recliner chair and she sits up in that a lot of times. I believe tomorrow they may try and walk her some with therapy. However she could not walk without a cane before so that will be difficult for her.

Her eyes light up and she smiled when Dylan (her 10 year old grandson) would walk into the room. The same thing when Rex walks in. Yesterday it seems like anyone that would walk by would get her attention, and she'd think she knew them, but she didn't do that today, but still noticed the noisy ones, and any other out-of-the-ordinary noises.

Once in a while she tries to get up. Also she'll fool with her oxygen line, or oxygen sensor, or her IV lines.

We know her eyes are working well and probably are better now without that tumor all wrapped around her optic nerves, compressing them. There was a chance she could go blind with the surgery, but would have for sure without it.

She will not get her sense of smell back that she lost 9 years ago, because those nerves are where the tumor grew around, and it permanently damaged them. She is so used to this it doesn't bother her at all.

If anyone was waiting for a good time to visit, it is now. Daytime visitation would be excellent this week as us kids have to work which leaves normal visits being Rex at times, and Ronna in the evening. See the visitation times in the left column. Remember there are no real flowers allowed in ICU but she loves cards. She has a box she keeps them all in. You don't have to have any permission to go back to her room. The rules say to limit visitors to 3, but as long as you are not loud, they have not said anything to us about having sometimes 5 in there. It is a very large room so there is no problem with that. If Mom is watching TV, just turn it off if you visit so that she will concentrate on you and not the TV. If it was on when you got there, turn it back on for her when you leave as it keeps her mind active, which is what she needs.

Remember, we have not told her yet about Rex's Oncologist appointment and we don't want to burden her with worry, so please don't mention anything about that. Thanks.

I know a lot of people are reading this and we thank you for your prayers. Ronna and Rex have a big road ahead and they need the prayers as much as Mom. We are so thankful for Mom and Rex moving just a mile away from the hospital. Now we know why we felt they needed to move from Manchester.

I've made it easier to comment here so try again if it didn't work for you the first time.

Good CT

CT scan showed everything good. No problems at all. Swelling has come down. Mom continues to do very good.

Mom seems better

She doesn't seem as confused as before. We still haven't heard about her CT.

She had lunch and ate it all herself. She brushed her teeth herself also. Right now she's watching TV.

More Confusion

Mom's confusion continued to increase and her blood sugar came nearer to normal, so she's in for a CT scan right now to make sure nothing is going on in there. She still is not sleeping well and when she does, they have to wake her up every 2 hours for a check.

Ronna just informed me that she's back in her room. More posting later.

Saturday update

Send those cards! She loves them!

Arrived today at 2:00 and Mom was asleep. The nurse wanted her woke up so I worked for 10 minutes until I got her to barely open her eyes. She recognized the kids.

When we came back at 4:30 Ronna was here and Rex came a little later. Mom was much more responsive, especially when her food came. She ate it all up rather quickly. I realized that the only reason she was eating so quick was because she wasn't blabbing all the time like she usually does.

She talks very slow but almost everything she says makes sense. She kept using the number 279 for ages and for the year. She finally told me that 279 was her last blood sugar number and she was saying it so the nurses would think she was goofy! I sang a couple of songs to remind her that it is 2008. That's about the only thing she couldn't remember.

She got sleepy at the time we had to go out of the room and we'll go back in at 8:00.

Ryan

Update from Ronna @ 9:35. Mom & Ryan signing I Love You in the above picture! Mom seemed a little confused this evening, talking about things we didn't always understand. Then we found out her blood sugar was way high, basically because she is eating a regular diet now. Nurse felt that probably accounted for the difference we were seeing. They will adjust her sliding scale most likely tomorrow. On the other hand, as she watched Gaithers and Opry, she was rattling off everyone's names and singing along. Today's the first she has really watched TV. She also read a Harry & David catalog. And started wearing her glasses today.

Found out Rex made a trip to Walmart today and bought some things for the house. I spent some time with him at the apartment as did Bob & Anthony.

Keep storming the gates of heaven for "the parents", as Greg & I fondly call them. Long haul ahead yet for both of them.

Mom continues to improve! The nurse said she didn't sleep well last nite, but she had a big morning and was settled in for a nap when I left at 12:30. We can't get back in until 4:30 now, so hopefully she sleeps most of that time.

I found her this morning with the bed shaped into a recliner, how cool! She sat up all morning! She talks when she wants to. She loves to read her cards. She feeds herself. She ate 3 pieces of bread dipped into gravy for lunch. She said she was wolfing it down, and she was! She also ate applesauce and jello and drank applejuice, then decided she probably should stop.

Sara and Anita visited while Randy and Kevin went to the annual hamfest at the Coliseum. Uncle Bob and Anthony stopped in after their jaunt at the hamfest. Ryan and family should be arriving any time to spend the rest of the afternoon.

I noticed mom had doodled last evening on a note pad. She had done some mathematical equations and written Ryan's name a lot. Think she was missing her baby.

Her doctor's inform us she is doing really well. She's getting good care.

Rex is struggling. He's home more than he is at the hospital. If you are in the area, stop in at the apartment. He needs encouragement. We'll share more details next week after his further testing.

Keep lifting all our names to our Lord. I feel VERY equipped by my Lord right now. Praise You, Father.

Ronna

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Ryan@TheRitenours.com

Huge Day

Mom made major leaps forward this afternoon/evening. She's been awake basically since 3. She ate her own "dinner" using spoons and straws and shovelled it in about as fast as she could. Then she started reading her cards, aloud, over and over and over. Then she started printing and writing. One of her cards was from the new senior group at their Ft. Wayne church called Oasis. Rex knew what the acronym of the letters represented and mom wrote it out on the card! Shift change is 7-8, so we left and the nurse told me when I returned that mom doodled on the papers the whole time we were gone. She had the TV on too. Meds are being taken away that she no longer needs. She's just doing great.

The news on Rex unfortunately is not good. We got some very disturbing info from the oncologist today. He is having 2 more tests next week, then the final decision on treatment will be made on Friday. Mom does not know and please do not discuss this with her. She would not be able to understand and process this right now. We will inform you as we can. Please pray for Rex, as he is handling a lot on his own right now. I am very very proud of him. Plans are being discussed as to how to handle both of their situations simultaneously. PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR FAMILY AS WE MAKE THESE DECISIONS.

Mom named this blog several weeks ago. I keep hanging on to the words. God Will Make A Way.

Big Change

Ronna has informed me that Mom has made a big leap in recovery today. Earlier when Ronna and I talked on the phone, she informed me that mom was singing along with some visitors. Also, she had sat on the edge of her bed for 3 minutes with the physical therapist.

Ronna just texted me that Mom is feeding herself!

This is really tough being at home. I can't wait to get there tomorrow afternoon.

My cousin Karen has had some problems with commenting. Email me if anyone else is having problems too.

Ryan@TheRitenours.com

Hey! Post something so we know you're reading

We've taken a big step in keeping this blog up to date as best we can, and as soon as we know anything new. Please leave a comment so we know you were here and reading. Also make sure you read down several posts as we post so often, there is likely stuff you haven't yet read.

Mom will eventually be reading this and would love to see a bunch of comments. This is such a neat thing to read after the fact for her, so she can see all that was going on during the time she probably won't remember.

To comment just click below where you see the word 'comments'.
__________________________\/ \/ \/ \/____________

Awesome end to the day

Mom pretty much snoozed the day away. She is on no pain medication, altho she could have it if she needed it. After Rex left at 6:30ish, I sang some hymns to mom. Then left at 7 for shift change and ran into Dennis & Theresa. They had to wait an hour since it was shift change, so we just chatted. I had called one of my girlfriends to come spend 8-9 with me in mom's room, as it gets kinda lonely in there alone with mom sleeping.

Well, she had gotten a bath and changed during the shift change and she was pretty alert. She recognized Dennis & Theresa, they stayed just a short time, and then Roberta and I settled in for our 45 minutes. We were just gabbing across the bed as girlfriends do and mom was looking back and forth at us getting totally caught up in the conversation. Roberta noticed mom had her nails polished and she started asking her if she put a clear top coat on them and mom shook her head yes. Then she pulled both her arms up and spread out her fingers so Roberta could see all 10! I about died!!!! That's the most response we had from her all day. She was squeezing our hands to indicate she wanted water. Once she put her arm around my waist and patted me.

I bought a cross necklace in the hospital gift shop yesterday and I was telling mom it will always be a reminder to me of what God did for her at this time. As I bent over to kiss her goodnite, she grabbed the cross and just held on to it and pushed it back and forth on the chain. I asked her if she wanted one and she nodded yes. Tomorrow's purchase!

Nurses say a couple more days for the steroids to lessen the swelling and we'll begin seeing improvement.

Big day tomorrow for Rex & I. We both have appointments. Randy will be with us.

Thursday afternoon status

Mom is much less responsive verbally today but that is because her brain is swollen, which is normal. She is on a steroid to bring that down. Just as Ryan said earlier, her left side is not responding as well as her right, but the doctor said that it is not a stroke. He told us at the first appointment to expect weakness on one side and that it would be remediated with therapy. She does move her left arm and hand. I haven't seen a lot of movement with her left leg yet today.

She sleeps most of the time, but when she opens an eye, we talk to her and she recognizes us. We smile and tell her she is doing well, Rex is doing good, and she is OK. She squeezes our hands. Randy thought up asking her to squeeze if she wanted a drink or some sherbet and both times I asked, she squeezed! And she drank and ate!

We're only going in 1 or 2 at a time and really at this point encouraging no visitors unless you just want to pop in for a bit. Let her rest.

It's hard to wait. We are all hanging on to each other. Randy/Anita were here this morning until 4:30 when we get kicked out for 2 hours. Rex was there most of that time. We're both at our homes resting right now.

I was thankful to be there when Dr. Canavati stopped in this morning. He was very encouraging.

I am reading Psalms to mom, it's hard. I cry. I want to sing to her too, but I haven't been able to accomplish pulling myself together enough to do that yet.

Our email

Here's our email addresses. They are really hard.

Ronna's email
ronna@juno.com

Ryan's email
Ryan@TheRitenours.com

Best to email me as Ronna doesn't have much time to be at a computer right now. I know it all so feel free to email me. I check it and this blog often. I hate cell phones so that's why I'm not giving out our numbers. Ronna's is going off all the time just from immediate family.

Ryan

update

CT scan this morning was good. She has developed a slight deficit on one side. Dr. says it will come back with therapy.

Address for cards, flowers, etc.

Lutheran Hospital
7950 W Jefferson Blvd
MSIC Room 3520
Fort Wayne, IN 46804

Home address:
6218 Ruby Circle West
FT. Wayne 46804

Mom has some deficit on one side, however I do not believe that it is a problem. I saw her grab both bars and pull herself up yesterday. Therapy will usually take care of it if it's a problem.

Ronna is there waiting to see the Dr.

update

When I left mom at 7:00 p.m., she was doing great. She is still very groggy but understands what is going on and knows everyone. She wants to take her 'hat' off and sit up. I had to tell her many times to stop, however she was not nearly as bad as my wife was with grabbing and playing with tubes and tape and bandages.

We saw the surgeon again and he didn't think she had any deficits. Obviously there can be after-effects but hopefully there will be none.

Randy, Ronna, and Rex will be back at it Thursday. I have to work 2 days and will likely go back Sat. afternoon.

Ronna will have to post the address to send cards to the hospital since I'm not there for a few days.

Just saw mom!

Just went in and saw, and TALKED TO mom! She knew who I was instantly. I made her tell me.

Dr. came in a told us she seems to be doing very good. She counted his fingers and talked with him. At this point she keeps falling asleep when we talk to her but she just woke up.

She looks normal other than a bandaged head. The room is large and COLD!

Obviously it is too early to know when she would be moved to a regular room.

Visiting hours are from 9-9, except for the hours of 2:30-4:30 and 7-8. No more than 2 people at a time. 3520.

Mom's in ICU

Mom is in ICU room 3520.

Done

Surgery was over at noon. Dr. said he got out at least 90% of the tumor. It was a very large tumor that had been growing for many years. It had a lot of involvement with arteries and he worked 2 hours with a microscope to remove as much as he could without causing a stroke. 2 small spots remain and she will be monitored for any regrowth. If that would occur, they could use the gamma-knife for removal.

She is still asleep and so we don't know if there are any effects from the removal of the tumor. She is being moved to ICU, which is normal after brain surgery.

More when we know more.

Mom has went to surgery

Mom just went to surgery at 7:00, or actually, went to surgery prep where they will shave her head slightly. 10 people are here at the moment in the waiting area. More postings when I hear something.

How to comment

To comment on this blog, just below this or any post there is this:

Posted by Ryan Ritenour at 10:17 PM 1 comments

Click at the part that says, "comments" and you can make a comment. Please leave one if you read this. Mom (Ardy) will read this, or we'll read it to her. Put your name in the posting so we know who you are.

Plans for Wednesday

This will be a long day, no doubt. I will be taking Mom (and Rex if he is ready at that time) to the hospital at 5:30 a.m. At this point I will likely be the one going in with her to surgery prep. It doesn't seem to bother me to do so after doing it a few times before. I know what to expect.

Once she is out of surgery and we can get to a computer, we will post something. It could take awhile before a post shows up though.

We will also try to post an address to send cards to but you can always send it to their home and it will get to her. We'll have quite an 'audience' of all immediate family that day so honestly, if you want to visit, wait a day for her to get settled and ready to receive visitors.

Mom's surgery is Wednesday, November 12

Mom's surgery is this coming Wednesday at 7:30am at Lutheran Hospital. She needs to be there at 5:30am.

Rex continues to do well after his surgery yesterday.

Not much else to say, I'm still trying to take all this in. We all need prayer.

Ronna

Rex's surgery UPDATE

Tuesday: Rex has a soft tissue mass, not a hernia. It will be removed tomorrow (Wednesday) at noon as an outpatient surgery at Lutheran and be sent to the lab for testing.

Wednesday: The surgery went very smoothly. He's home resting now. The surgeon did indicate the mass looked very suspicious. So we have an appointment with his oncologist next Friday, 14th.

We are very overwhelmed right now.

Appointments

Rex has an inguinal hernia. He has an appointment tomorrow (Tuesday) at 11am with a general surgeon. Will update tomorrow evening with the plan of action.

Mom has called the neurosurgeon's office to get her surgery date set. The scheduler was not in the office today, so she expects a return call tomorrow.

More challenging news

As many of you may know, Rex's son, Brian, is in police custody in Florida. Please pray for Rex, specifically about the guilt he is feeling. That guilt is not from God.

This just complicates the decision Mom has before her.

The good news is that Mom continues to sleep well at night after MANY months of no sleep. It is a blessing from God, there is NO OTHER EXPLANATION!

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; PERPLEXED, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 2 Corinthians 4:7-10

Neurosurgeon appointment

We met with Dr. Canavati today. We have a lot to think and pray about before decisions are made. Please pray with us for God's direction and God's peace.

We read Psalm 46 before the appointment. Within it is Be still, and know that I am God. Another translation says, CEASE STRIVING. I want to fix and plan. That is what I do. I can't fix and I can't plan. Thus sometimes, many times, I am lacking peace. I am learning to abide.

Psalm 29:11: "The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace."

Smile

Saw the internist today. Sue & Tommy Hobdy, friends from Emmanuel, the church Mom/Rex attend in Ft. Wayne, met us at the doctor's office to support us before we went in.

We did get a little more info. The tumor is in the front, above her sinuses.

We see Dr. Canavati, the neurosurgeon, on Tuesday at 10:15. Bringing along an extra set of ears, Tandy is joining us as she has the day off work, it being her birthday.

We told Dr. Farnsworth that mom has slept the last 2 nites. She's not been sleeping more than a couple of hours a nite for months, some nites not at all. She's tried meds, nothing works. She's on no sleep meds now and she's sleeping!! I prayed specifically on Monday nite for God to bless mom with a nite of sleep. He blessed her and me. I think He wanted me to know He hears my prayers. Anyway, when we told Dr. Farnsworth we thought she slept because we prayed, he got this huge smile on his face that just stayed there for awhile. That's my kind of doc.

The call

Dr. Farnsworth, an internist Mom has been seeing for the last several months, ordered a brain MRI due to some of the symptoms she has been experiencing. She had the MRI last Wednesday (10/15), and at 5:30 tonite his office called me to schedule an appointment for this coming Wednesday (10/22) at noon. I immediately asked what was going on and the doctor got on the line and told me the report says she has a meningioma, (my quick research says it is in the outside lining of the brain). He said these type tumors are usually benign. He is referring her to a neurosurgeon. Rex and Mom and I prayed after our initial talk. Then we called the family. And the call for prayer is going out.

Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel. Philippians 4:7

Ronna