I think this is the final post

8 months later.

Hopefully this blog will remain so that our kids can read it someday. I still cry reading this blog. How tough it was.

Mom's headstone is set. Rex is living in N.C. cancer free. The rest of us where we were before.

Hope to see you in a few decades mom.

Ryan

A long time has passed

It's been a long time, or has it? It's been really, really tough. We were thinking of calling her every day. It took me 2 months to stop thinking it everyday. So much has changed, and I wish she was here to see it.

Transition UPDATE

Update:
Rex got a cell phone, number shown below. It has a speaker and he can hear well. And he's rented a 1-bedroom apartment, moving January 10.

First things first. Rex's new address & phone are:

1014 Parkside Village Drive
Clayton, NC 27520
919-604-9726

It's been an interesting 2 days. Over half the homes in Allen County were without electrical power after Friday's ice storm. My house, Tandy's apartment and Rex's apartment (along with Jeff's which was empty and available) all were without power. I/Tandy/Parker/Rex spent Friday nite at Comfort Suites. We're thankful we got a room. Saturday morning, Randy and Ryan and Stacy arrived to pack the truck and get the car on the trailer. It was slick and cold (no heat in the apartment), but we were done by noon.

Rex had mentioned that the one thing he wanted to do yet was get to the cemetery. So we took a short road trip yesterday. It was a bleak site with the ice and snow. One I don't want stuck in my memory.

Greg was supposed to arrive around 11 last nite, but he missed his connection in Atlanta. He spent the nite there and flew in at 11:15 this morning in high winds. It's below 0 and blowing BAD today. We're all concerned about keeping our newly restored electrical power. I just talked to Greg. They are about 1/2 way home and not planning to stop (6:30pm). They have another 6 hours, at least. It was 71 degrees when Greg left home yesterday!!!!

I overhead Rex say last weekend....this is no longer my home, it is just a place to live. And I think he decided after 2 days of MAJOR winter, that leaving Indiana isn't such a bad idea.
Greg shared with Rex and I that his 8 year old daughter, Jillian, agreed to let dad go on the road once again after just getting home from a week away on business, because he was bringing Grandpa "home". I really think the last 3 weeks convinced Rex he was making the right decision. And my brothers and I got to know a man that is a lot stronger than we knew before. We are extremely proud of him.

And I am very proud of the 3 of us. Mom left us with a job to complete and we finished well. Greg and I felt the weight of the transition shift as we hugged goodbye today. No more words.

Some final information from us

We will never find out for sure what happened. The pathologist 'speculated' that she had an infection called sepsis, which used to be called blood poisoning, and was possibly caused by her colon problems. Mom's Dr. had another guess, but I don't feel it was a very likely cause.

It was her time, not our time. We weren't ready. She was. It certainly helps us to know she was ready. I don't understand how someone could get through the death of their mother without knowing she's going to heaven and will see her someday. I wouldn't want to feel that way.

I'm very tired now after a long day at Ronna's with Randy's family and Rex. It may have been our final Christmas together with Rex as he is soon moving south. We honored our mother by forgetting all of our problems, and coming together as a family. We sang Christmas songs, more than we've ever sang together before. Tisha was with us by webcam, so the whole 'Ritenour' family was together thanks to technology. Tisha had the white Christmas for the day, which is unusual there in Oregon. It was 50 degrees for us.

We combined some traditions by having apple dumplings and watching the TV show, Lost In Space. We had a great amount of fun playing dirty bingo, although it wasn't very 'dirty.'

This was a really fun Christmas together. We talked about Mom but did not dwell on her. It would have been a sad event if we had focused on her. That was not what we wanted. There is nothing good that could have come from that.

Mom, have a merry Christmas in heaven. I miss you so much.

Ryan


And some final thoughts from me. We are beginning to look ahead and not back. It was a great day...one a month ago I never would have dreamed could happen. We each stepped forward to plan something special for the day.

I have felt traumatized this past week, but today I turned a corner. Together we will move forward. I feel closer to my brothers and my sisters (still the outlaws) than I EVER have before. And I give God all the praise and glory for that.

I think it's time to close this blog. It has served the purpose it was set up for and been a therapeutic way for Ryan and I to deal with the past 3 weeks.

GOD MADE A WAY.

Ronna

The days ahead

On Sunday, we 3 "kids" and our families and Rex are gathering at my house for an early Christmas. This will be Rex's goodbye to Randy & Ryan. Anita is carrying on mom's tradition of Dirty Bingo for the grandkids. And we will sing carols by candlelight. Ryan is working on a webcam so Tisha can join us for that from Oregon. We are all very much looking forward to the day.

Plans are for Greg to fly to Ft. Wayne on the 19th or 20th, pack up a small U-Haul, put Rex's car on a trailer and they make the trek to NC on the 20th/21st. We sort & pack something everyday. Both Rex and I are amazed at how much stuff there is, even though they moved just 18 months ago after a major downsizing. I'm VERY proud of Rex. He is facing the challenge of each day. Rex is on a waiting list at a senior apartment community in NC. In the meantime, he will live with Greg & Stacy. Right now, he appears to be healthy. I pray everyday for continued good health for him, for God's healing.

Another opinion

An independent pathologist that has performed over 800 autopsies has volunteered to look at the autopsy and see if he can shed any light on the situation.

more

I don't have the autopsy in hand yet, but it was inconclusive. We will never know for sure what happened. It makes it harder for me to deal with this all, but I'll get over it. I am sure that her labored breathing, when I left her the night before, was something to do with it. I was beating myself up about it, that I didn't do more to make the nurses get the Dr., or something. I have gotten past that.

We know this:

The floor Doctor was notified about her condition sometime Wed. evening.

When she was checked on in her room at 4:45 a.m., she was already gone. They started CPR but she never regained a pulse.

She was not as mentally stable as we had expected those days after surgery. The Doctors expressed that she was doing good, but they didn't know her like we did.

Memorials still continue to come in. It will be interesting to see the total.

Her surgery was not directly the cause of her death, but it was hard on her body, and the time in the hospital lying down all the time did not help her.

Autopsy

Still awaiting a Dr. call but we were told that Mom's autopsy was inconclusive.

Update on the autopsy

I called Lutheran pathology today to give me an estimate on when we can expect the autopsy report. They informed me that it was already done and was sent to the surgeon. Ronna has contacted Mom's internist to get the results to her. Again, I'll post the cause of death once we know.

Time, Reality, Discomfort and Prayer

Just looked back to what we were doing 3 weeks ago. That's the day we posted the pic of Mom & Ryan signing I Love You. It seems like SUCH a long time ago. In fact, none of that even seems real anymore. Rex made the comment last nite....it just does not feel like it really happened.

Randy/Anita/I majorly packed at the apartment today. As we left, I felt overwhelmed about what we had just done. Sorting through years of memories, sending out bags of trash & boxes to Goodwill, doling out mementos to family. Took years to accumulate and a couple of hours to disburse.

We spent some quality time with Uncle Leon/Aunt Phyl today. They have ALWAYS been there for our family...ALWAYS.

I am wearing mom's wedding band, the one my dad gave her. It fits me perfectly.

Rex is living amongst boxes and vanishing furniture. Can't be comfortable.

Join me in praying for a complete healing for Rex. That's the only thing that makes sense to me.
But I'm a human, and He is God.

And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well. James 5:15
The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16b

If you are reading, please comment. We need encouragement.

Moments burnt into my memory

Many hands closing the casket.

The Chapel parish nurse saying “press into Jesus”.

Merlinda’s final run of the keyboard at Mom’s service.

Three generations of family circled up, holding hands, and being challenged about their own faith and to pray for those not yet walking with our Lord.

Uncle Leon and Aunt Phyl immediately at Rex and my sides early Thursday morning.

Aunt Dorothy and her spirit-filled caretaker walking into Mom’s hospital room to visit.

Seeing tears in the eyes of the rehab hospital liaison that I had just interviewed with 3 days before.

Randy’s offer to carry Mom’s casket to her grave.

The faith conversation Tisha and I had on Saturday night.

Stacy and Dylan remaining at Mom’s bedside on Wednesday night while Ryan talked to me on the phone.

Randy telling me that Sara had come with them to the visitation.

Hobbs and Ritenour unity in decisions, plans, purpose and spirit.

Mom spreading out her hands in front of Roberta showing off her nail polish the day after surgery.

Seeing John & Mary Whitcraft the day of Mom’s surgery, there for another person’s surgery.

Ryan’s blog title Thursday morning of “God Has Made A Way!”, with him not even realizing Mom had named her own blog “God Will Make A Way” several weeks earlier.

Rex is back in Indiana

If you are a Hoosier, come visit Rex in the next few weeks or invite him over. He got back tonite. He'll be moving to NC later this month. He's already given a lot of thought to what he needs to take with him and what will be given to others.

He wanted me to have Mom's bible that I gave her 11 years ago. I'll treasure that. Ryan, you questioned the funeral bulletin that said Mom read Psalm 91 to Anthony when he had cancer. I don't know that she read it TO him, but she prayed it FOR him and it's written in this Bible. We always called it Psalm 9-1-1 because it's a good one to go to when you need help.

Hard to follow up with anything after Ronna's letter. I just want to say I miss Mom a lot. I'm still feeling selfish and want her back. There's so many things I would have done different. Still I have flashes in my mind to call her or email her.

A Letter to my Mom

Hi, Mom. I have lots of news to share, like always.

You know how the Bible says in all things God works for the good of those who love Him? And what the world intends for harm (death), God intends for good? Surely God is allowing you to see the good that is happening in your family in the aftermath of your graduation to heaven.

Just hours after your death, the 5 of us (3+Anita & Stacy) circled up in a hug in my house facing our shock and grief together for the first time. Did you see what happened next, Mom? That longstanding fractured relationship was healed! I sat and watched in awe.

A recent issue in the family was being withheld from you because we didn’t feel you could handle it. God had a plan in place that we can look back on now and see how it unfolded. Remember Merlinda was here a couple of weeks before your surgery? God used her mightily then to set the plan in motion. Then when she and her family flew in the day after your death, we all had a conversation in my house that laid the foundation for her entire family to be involved in positively altering the course of your granddaughter’s life. To look back and see how the pieces fit together is just amazing. MANY in our extended family were praying. The timing of all this is NOT a coincidence. I just read a book that Brock and Gwen gave to me at your visitation titled When God Winks at You, subtitled How God Speaks Directly to You Through the Power of Coincidence. The author calls them godwinks, you and I always called them God-incidences.

You know I’ve been looking for a new cross necklace for a couple of years. I bought one during your surgery in the hospital gift shop. I really don’t know why this one ended up being “the one”. A couple days later as I leaned over your bed to tell you goodnight, you held onto it and pushed it back and forth on the chain. I asked you if you wanted one and you nodded yes. I wanted to wait to buy it for you until you were out of ICU and could wear it. But that day never came. Anita really wanted me to go ahead and get it for you anyway. So the day of the visitation, I went back to the gift shop to get one, knowing there was only one on display the day I bought it. The ladies behind the counter told me they were volunteers and not involved in stocking the store. But one thought she knew where the box of jewelry was behind the counter, and sure enough, she found it. She sifted through all the bags until she found the one containing the cross necklaces. As she spread them out on the counter, I truly swear I did not see it. Suddenly she says, “Here it is!”. [Godwink] And it is now held in the hand of your earthly body. I feel a spiritual connection with you because of it. I know Anita does too, as she just nodded with tears in her eyes when she asked if I was able to find one for you. It has not left my neck since the day of your surgery.

When Tisha was in highschool, she bought you that snow globe with sunflowers and it plays You Are My Sunshine, the song you sang to both my girls for many years. She asked me if she could have it now as a remembrance. And I gave it to her. It not only connects her to you, but to Annette as well, as that is the song that was being sung when she died. As we left for the airport Monday, she placed it into the center of her carryon backpack, protecting it by surrounding it with her clothes. We never thought of the liquid inside that would keep it from passing through Security. We were running late for our flight. She had to hurriedly run back to the airline counter and check it as baggage (and pay $15 to do so). There were other issues with this flight, and we were stressed by the time we got seated. We both were concerned that globe would break because of the way baggage handlers toss bags around. Tisha kept saying, “It’ll be OK.” I prayed God would protect it and I just felt she was right, it was going to be OK. After we landed, she pulled that bag off the carousel and immediately checked the globe. It made the trip just fine!

You tried all summer to get our family together at your apartment for a dinner. I kept discouraging you because you really didn’t have the room, because of the fractured relationship, because I knew it was too much work for you. I’m so sorry now; if I only knew then what I know now, I would have stopped the road blocks and got on board. Now it appears we are going to get together as a family for Christmas with Rex. And Brittany said at your funeral service that she wants carols and candles. So we will have carols and candles. It will be a difficult day without you. You ARE the center of our family. We will cry as we carry on your tradition. I am taking more seriously my place to pass down the faith to the next generation and attempt to, in a small way, stand in the huge gap you have left here.

I feel I am at a crossroad again in my life. It’s life-altering to no longer have a parent here on earth. I feel very different. You are now a part of the great cloud of witnesses that surrounds me as I run with perseverance the race marked out for me. I was writing on your blog just the other day about the testing of my faith developing perseverance. No coincidence that I ran across that word 2 places in scripture in 2 weeks, but a godwink.

Love you,
Your favorite daughter!

We're still here.

We haven't left this blog yet. We all continue to heal and think of Mom all the time. We keep thinking of calling or emailing her because it's hard to believe she's gone.

I want to post the summary of the autopsy when we get it, but it could take 2 weeks to 1 month before we get it. But any information I get I will post if I feel it's relevant. We know it wasn't cardiac/vascular/embolism/bowel obstruction.

Ryan

Hi, it's Ronna posting from Oregon! Getting some much needed peaceful rest and loving on my little boys. I just talked to Rex on the opposite coast in North Carolina. We have not posted much about Rex and I want to bring you up to speed a bit.

Greg & Stacy have made the offer for Rex to move to NC. Rex is considering and praying about it. I called today to assure him that he has the blessing of myself, and Randy and Ryan, and in fact we all feel it is the best for him to be near his family for a change (much closer to Merlinda too). He's still in the decision process, but we all feel he will eventually agree. Stacey is researching oncologists and they will be contacting Rex's Ft Wayne oncologist next week so that everything is in place once he decides.

Rex has an aggressive lymphoma that needs treatment asap. 12 weeks of chemo and radiation.
Please continue to pray for Rex as he deals with all of this.

Just some things

Rex and Greg are on their way south, and Ronna and Tisha are in-flight to Oregon as I write.


Taking Mom's body to the grave. Randy and I are in the back, holding the end where Mom's head is at.







<<<--- audio of funeral on the left Other funeral Pictures Ardy's first husband's grave (with flowers from Mom's casket arrangement)
Ardy's parents' grave
Ardy's first in-laws' grave
Rex and kids - Ryan, Randy, Ronna, Rex, Greg
Grandchildren - Dylan, Cameron, Brittany, Kendra, Anthony, Sara, Alaina, Joel, Tandy, Tisha
Rex, daughter-in-law, and her kids - Joel, Karol, Kendra, Alaina, Merlinda, Rex
3 generations Hobbs - Joel, Rex, Greg
Ronna and her babies - Tandy, Ronna, Tisha
Another pic of grandkids here with a niece and nephew of Ardythe's- Dylan, Cameron, Brittany, Kendra, Anthony, Sara, Alaina, Joel, Robbie, Tandy, Crystal, Tisha
Other family - Rex, Bob & Gail Rogers, Phylis & Leon Ritenour
Cousins - Ryan, Merlinda, Allen, Randy, Kathy, Mike

Celebration Day

I think I can speak for Rex, Greg, Randy/Anita, Ryan/Stacy....we are exhausted. Today was an AWESOME day! Mom's celebration service was joyful and full of rememberances. I have tons to share, but I am too tired tonite. Please keep checking back, I think we have much to say yet before we are done with this blog. We took a lot of pictures today too that I will eventually get on here.

Rex and Greg are leaving for North Carolina in the morning for a holiday visit with Greg's family. Please pray for Rex as he begins this transition in life and pray for his body to be protected for this time while his cancer treatment is being delayed.

I am flying to Oregon with Tisha tomorrow nite for the week as well. What a whirlwind of changes this week regarding that trip.

Ronna

Visitation over

It was a nice turnout of people, many we haven't seen in years. Mom's brother and his whole family showed up as well. He is the last surviving sibling of their large family. We noticed there were many gifts made to mom's charity and that would make her happy. We had a family only time at the beginning and saw mom's body. My younger 3 children had pictures and a poem to go into her casket before we closed it. Mom had seen Ronna's necklace while in ICU and wanted one. Ronna purchased one like it and put it in Mom's hands.

Obviously everyone was upset when we closed the casket and 2 of my children became very upset. This was their first close family death and it was naturally a big emotional time for them.

Today we will put her body in the ground. She will be buried in the same cemetery as her parents, my father, his parents, and her baby brother.

online condolences

Online condolences can be sent at:
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I don't know what it is in me, but when people die, I want to know why. Since this is my Mom I get to find out. There was an autopsy. We have some preliminary data that it was not a stroke, heart attack, aneurysm or anything easy to determine. In a few days I will have the full report and can hopefully determine what happened.

Arrangement Information

Visitation is Saturday, 11/22, from 3 p.m. - 8 p.m. at Delaughter Mckee Funeral Home.

1401 State Road 114 W
North Manchester, IN 46962
Phone Number: (260) 982-6700

The funeral will be Sunday, 11/23, at 2 p.m. at Liberty Mills Church of the Brethren.
There will be one hour of visitation prior to the service.

71 N 3rd St,
Liberty Mills, IN 46946
Burial will follow at South Whitley Cemetary.
A dinner will be served following that at the church.

We have chosen a memorial fund in lieu of lots of flowers. Mom was close with many at the Liberty Mills Church that are involved in a ministry in Guatamala. Currently they are raising money for a well. Checks can be written to the Liberty Mills Church of the Brethren for the Guatamala Well Fund. Maybe it'll be named the Ardie Well.